'I think he loves me, but he won't admit it'

By  Dr Love | Posted  07-Mar-2017

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I love someone a lot and have told him this too. He is very smart, loyal and trustworthy. Unfortunately, he is from another caste and says his parents won't allow him to marry me because of this. I know he likes me too but, because he doesn't want to hurt his parents, he says we can only be friends and can't get into a relationship. We are still friends but he sometimes behaves as if he loves me and sometimes avoids me. I think he is trying to hide his feelings from me. When he is with me, I feel so happy. Can you suggest something I can do to remedy this? — Vaishvika P


It has to come from him, doesn't it? The law protects us all from discrimination by caste, which means you, as an adult, are free to marry anyone you choose to. The same law grants him that freedom too, but freedom from this sort of regressive thinking is a whole other ballgame. If he chooses to put aside the possibility of happiness with you simply to make his parents happy by buying into an inhuman system of discrimination between human beings, you're probably better off without him. If you can get him to treat you as a human being first, and a member of an imaginary group second, you may still stand a chance. Either way, it's up to how powerful your argument is, and how open he is to breaking free of ideas that have no place in modern India.

There are times when I feel so alone because my friends are all busy with relationships and I am single. Will I ever find happiness? I am miserable about this.

A lot of people in relationships would give an arm and a leg to be single again. It's not about another person making you happy, but your ability to find happiness within, that matters. We are born alone and die alone. And that really is the truth.

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