Dear Miss RJ Malishka, I became acquainted with you from your two very popular films against potholes: 'Mumbai tula BMC war bharosa nai kai?' and 'Sonu tujhe RJ pe bharose na kya?'
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Dear Miss RJ Malishka, I became acquainted with you from your two very popular films against potholes: 'Mumbai tula BMC war bharosa nai kai?' and 'Sonu tujhe RJ pe bharose na kya?'
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I would like to ask you a simple query: why you are so anti-potholes? Do you know that our roads have been deemed world heritage sites because of these deep 'rock formations'?
Are you aware that, along with The Great Wall of China, the 2,058 potholes along the Western Express Highway between Chembur and Mankhurd can be seen from the moon? You should be proud that finally we have something to compete with the Chinese.
You have been rather unfair to the poor BMC — how busy they are attending to the thousands of complaints that come in every day. Arrey Madam, people are calling them constantly, "Trees may fall on pedestrians, come urgently to Oshiwara", "There is open manhole in Charkop", "Politician has removed load-bearing beam in Ghatkopar, building could collapse". Do you know how stressful it is to attend to so many phone calls day in and day out? One BMC official informed me, "I have received 2,033 phone calls from citizens complaining that there is an open manhole near Milan subway. Okay, seven people have already fallen in. But can they not be patient? We will attend to it after the rainy season!"
Malishka Madam, as one of the party spokesperson had observed, "You are an RJ; your job is entertainment. So, why do you comment on social issues when you are far away from ground reality?" (and please don't say, "There is no ground anymore. Only potholes." That joke is already circulated on WhatsApp). And, why do you want potholes to be repaired — do you know how many people will be put out of business if this happens?
Have you heard of Craterologists? Craterology is a sub genre of archaeology, the study of deep treacherous holes that appear on roads. These are experts who have led excavations to Cairo, Babylon and Petra. They have come all the way to our city to understand this geographical phenomena, where will they go if the potholes
get filled?
Do you know how the tourism industry will be affected? 'Lonely Planet' has placed Mumbai's potholed roads second to Taj Mahal as a tourist attraction in India, even above Qutub Minar. And what happens to Kachhuachaapology (the study of the kachuachaap mosquito that breeds in the muddy waters of potholes)? Bombay University has just introduced it as a subject for BSc. It will have to be scrapped. All back and spine specialists, and physiotherapists will have to close down their practice.
What you are recommending is that BMC does its job and repairs our roads. I am against it. How do you think Mumbaikars will handle proper roads? So you think the average motorist will feel happy?
Nahin re, RJ Madam. I want a new song written, and recorded. Here's the first verse…
Row, row, row your boat Carefully down the street Merrily, merrily, merrily, warily Potholes are but a treat.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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