Rahul da Cunha: Masterchef, maitre d's and momos

By  Rahul Da Cunha | Mumbai | Posted  11-Jun-2017

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

So, dear reader, it's been an action-packed week. Much has happened in international affairs, with George Clooney attaining fatherhood, and Comey testifying against Trump (is the USA a true democracy or what?). Closer home, GST has kicked in with much fanfare, with no one having a clue how it works except Shri Jaitley. ISRO has launched a rocket which will improve my wi-fi. And, the NDTV chief's home was raided by the CBI, leaving him Prannoyed.

Seems like an ICICI default of Rs 48 crore is a far graver crime compared to the Rs 90-odd thousand crore default by Monsieur Mallya. Media magnates have no chance against a malt baron when it comes to bank overdrafts.

In other news, from the world of edutainment, Rahul Gandhi wants to get comfy with religious texts to combat the RSS. He plans to settle down for the next fifteen years to read the Gita and the Upanishads. When he finally emerges from his Safdarjung library, it will be the year 2070 and the BJP will have been in power 50 years.

On another note, the Champions Trophy is underway - why they choose to hold a cricket tournament in a country where it rains all the time, beats me. Like, why not have the tournament in Qatar, which has no monsoon or Middle East support. So, no rain or reign of ISIS terror.

As a result, with less time spent watching the matches and more time listening to the TV anchors/experts in the studio, I've begun to understand the intricacies of fashion design.

For starters, and vitally, I'm keen to know what's the brief given to the designers when they dress these anchors/experts. So, when they clothe the great VVS Laxman, is the brief, "Don't dress the man for the master batsman that he is, but like a Masterchef contestant"?

Like, two nights ago, he was dressed like the maître d' from China Garden, where I felt I needed to ask him three questions:

1. Would you recommend the Peking Duck?

2. Are your prawns fresh?

3. Do you add MSG to the food?

There's another bloke, Aakash Chopra. The brief for his sartorial style is very clear – dress him like a Hollywood artiste from the black and white era. Last night, it was definitely Fred Astaire, complete with dancing shoes. Two nights ago, it was Gene Kelly.

And then, there's the charming anchor, Mrs Stuart Binny, very vivacious, no questions and ever charming. But, the other day, she interviewed VVS at the stadium (this time he was dressed like the captain of the Titanic), she was bedecked in green. This, dear reader, was exactly the same shade of green as the grass in the stadium. All I could see was her face. The rest of her body merged with the ground.

And, in other news, they want to ban momos. First it was Maggi Noodles, then booze on highways, then Sardar jokes, now momos. They're throwing babies out of autos, and we're prioritising the banning of a humble snack. See ya next week.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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