Lobo Lobo and LGBT

By Rahul da Cunha | Mumbai

Lobo Lobo came home last evening, his face more pale than a white bed-sheet

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Lobo Lobo came home last evening, his face more pale than a white bed-sheet. "Lobo Lobo come in, chill...you look flustered, I think you need a glass of water."

"Gimme a beer men, I need sumting stronger men. Today is one of dose days, I have to drown my sorrows."

"So tell me what's upset your apple cart."

"Arrey che men, dis landmark judgement, Section tree seventy sumting, it has caused havoc in my house!"

"It's Section 377. And what kind of havoc?"

"Dikuna men…my wife Myrtle has fainted. De neighbours are giving her smelling salts trying to revive her."

"Hey Thelonious! It's a wonderful thing this Supreme Court ruling. The LGBT community can now live in peace…they can love in peace…they won't be considered criminals anymore," I started.

"Arre bunkus, Mr Rahul…"

"Okay let's begin at the top, back up a little…what's the issue, Lobo Lobo, why has Myrtle fainted?"

"Arrey it's my son, Lancelot…blinking fool he is."

"Isnt that the elder one?"

"Yeah men, total Cas, I tought."

"Cas?" I enquired.

"Casanova men, che. See I tougt he was a real ladies man. Everyday different dame he had. One day Susan…next day…Blossom. I tought he is de dude of our Virar side."

"Okay so what's the problem?"

"Arrey men, de day de Supreme Court judgement comes out, he tell me and Myrtle, 'Mum and dad, I want you to meet my new lover. My significant other.' So we are damn happy. Myrtle akse Lancie, 'How come you never told us about her? Wot is de name of dis significant udder?' You know what he answers us?"
Lobo Lobo paused dramatically, a dark cloud passed over his countenance.

"I'm guessing Susan, Catherine, Blossom, Jennifer," I offered.

"No, Savio. He has de bleeing cheek to tell us, his significant udder is Savio."

"Uh Savio…as in….isn't that a man's name?"

"Yeah Savio! A guy. Our son wants to be wid a man."

Time stood still for Thelonious Lobo. "Look your son has come out of the closet. But, just out of interest, what about all the girls he used to hang out with?"

"Arre, dey would all come over to share dere boyfriend problems wid him, che! Dis is my fault men, I should have seen de signs, when he was a small fellow, while all de udder chaps are playing football, he was dressing up dolls men. He was making dresses, doing proper embroidery and all. Should have made him play footer. Dere hero was Ronaldo, his was Ralph Lauren, I should have realised den!"

I paused. I could see Lobo Lobo's dream of little grandchildren Lancelots fade away into the sunset. The added burden of having to explain to a community that his son liked men.

"You okay Lobo?"

"Yeah men, don't get me wrong men. I'm happy with the judgement, but people still judge men, homos they call dem, homosexuaity is unnatural dey say. How to change de attitude men, how to make people truly understand LGBT better?"

"Understand Lesbians Gays Bisexuals and Transgenders better?"

"No men, dey need to understand why Lobo's Gone Bonkers Today!"

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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